I am sixty four

I must have been fifteen when I first heard When I am Sixty Four by the Beatles. It was in Ankara and I had just got my copy of Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band. In those days sixty four seemed so far away. Time does move slow when you are young. I runs at the speed of light the older you grow. Anyway the song them was amusing and above all peppy and one did not pay much attention at the lyrics. It is said that Mc carney wrote it at a very young age and back then I guess 'sitting by the fireside' and 'digging weeds' was what young people thought old people do.

Today I am sixty four and perusing the lyrics there is not much I really do. I may have lost some hair but that is about it. My Vera Chuck and Dave is my grandson Agastya and by sunshine boy Utpal. What a blessing.

In his lyrics Mc Cartney states Who could ask for more? I mean more than the weeds, the walk, the knitting of the sweater and the Sunday mornings ride.

I do as I have so much more. From a partner who feeds and needs me, to children who love and care but above all my Project Why family that has allowed all my dreams and aspirations to come true and  given me a reason to live. I am blessed.

The little girl in the antic pram could not have imagined what life had in store for her on the other side of fifty. Thousands of beautiful children who entrusted their dreams to her, a huge network of beautiful friends that became family to this only child. I have never felt so loved and wanted and needed. I feel humbled and small and elated and euphoric at the same time.

I want to thank each and everyone who made this possible.

God bless you all.

Today I lose another friend.

The neem tree next to my house

The house next door was broken down a few months ago to be replaced by what is knows in Delhi as builder's flats. This is the plight of numerous houses like mine, built in the sixties when one family or at most two lived in villas with a courtyard in the middle and a small garden in front. Since as demand increased and maintenance costs too appeared the ubiquitous builders flat. The builders lobby has ensured that they be allowed to use maximum space. The authorities insist on parking space on stilts. So bye bye garden, greenery and flowers. Cement vies with marble and glass for space. 

In front of the house being erected stands a majestic neem tree. It has been there for more than 4 decades and provided shelter and shade to many. Though not directly in front of my house, its sprawling branches caressed our home and the rustle of its leaves when the wind blew was welcome as I sat outside reading a book of watching my boys play. 

This tree became part of my life and a much loved friend. Its branches also covered the patch of garden next door and thus became a threat to the new structure that needed that space. The battle was unequal: the tree was destined to lose.

 From the very first day I lived in fear of the moment when the axe would fall wondering how many branches will be sacrificed to the alter of urban living. The dreaded moment dawned and as I write these words branch after branch are being felled mercilessly. It will stand mutilated, robbed of its majesty and grandeur. 

I lost a friend a dew days back. A human one. One I had know for decades. Today I lose part of another friend and I feel a pain I cannot describe. This tree has been witness to every moment of my life from the time I was a college student to the time I became a grandmother. It made me feel protected and safe.

I have often compared myself to a tree when I decided to lay down my hat for the last time. My rather nomadic life had left me exhausted and I needed to set my roots deep. Trees meant being safe, secure and loved.

That the tree is being truncated in front of my eyes brings to mind the ephemeral and transient nature of our lives and the reality that nothing is truly secure.

My tree will reinvent itself as Nature is nothing short of miraculous. It will probably looked skewed to many but to me it will be the indubitable truth that it won the battle.

Someone wrote: We say we love flowers, yet we pluck them. We say we love trees, yet we cut them down. And people still wonder why some are afraid when told they are loved. 

How true this is