Laura Schlessinger said that children are our second chance to have a great parent-child relationship. At first you would tend to agree but in hindsight it is not quite true. You see your idea of having a great parent-child relationship would be to do exactly the opposite of what you have experienced as a child, sort of throwing the baby with the bathwater. What you miss is all the good things that your parents taught you but you were unable to appreciate. Every parent does what she or he thinks is the best at the given moment it is just time that changes and brings new realities. I wonder how my mom and pa would have reacted to TV, screen time and social networking. I fuss they would have set boundaries as they did with outings and parties. Deadline was 10 pm! Today parties do not begin before 11pm and I renumber how shocked my daughter was when I suggested a 10 pm deadline. One learns along the way.
This was just an intro to some much deeper feelings triggered by the 'second chance' thought and the experience of more than six decades. It has been 24 years since I lost my mom and it has taken me that much time to realise how much I owe her and I believe there is more soul searching ahead. I am who I am because of who she was. Today I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for the times I hurt her because of my foolishness and lack of sensitivity.
True you do not get a second chance but what children need understand is that you always do what you think best for them within your limitations and even beyond. When I see either of my girls sad, upset, faltering or lost, I ask myself whether it is something I did that brought them to this point. And as I go back in time and do some harsh soul-searching, I do feel that I could have done better. It is a painful ordeal and yes you do find faults that you could have avoided, but then you also realise that it is you today with the experience garnered over the years that makes this judgement. You need to try and sit in judgement of yourself at the age when you took that supposedly faulty decision.
You cannot and should not beat yourself but you still do and that is because you love your children so much that you would want them never to stumble let alone fall. Your child is now an adult but you are still a mother who feels responsible for every moment of her child's life. You simply learn to control your emotions and actions and keep quiet.
Children do not come with an instruction book. You have to make one along the way. You have 20 years to do so and the rest of your life to wonder where you went wrong.
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