When my time comes - the pre-will

Serendipity always seems to come my way though sometimes it is more like synchronicity! I had recently shared thoughts about the props and decor I would want when I have to play my last scene. Serendipitously the next day as I clicked on my iTunes, the song that played was A Mourir pour Mourir - To Die for dying - a song by the fabulous and haunting French singer Barbara who has been part of my life since my teens. In this song she opts for dying when she is still beautiful and still young! The lyrics once again brought to the fore the importance of dying on your own terms, more so in a world that has stolen that right from you. My uncle still lies in the ICU @ of 1K $ a day! The reason given by the medical authorities is that there is no room available! I wonder how long they will take to decide that it is time to fleece you a little less. And talking of serendipity(S) and synchronicity(S) my daughter called me this morning to tell me to expect a call from her best friend whose father had been diagnosed with advance stage cancer and does not want to go the 'conventional' way at his age. He is 80. I am so thrilled to know he exercised his right to chose and his family has accepted it. And the last touch of S&S came into the form of a link to an article about the man who discovered cancer way back in 193, its causes and hold your breath.. it's cure. The cure is astonishingly simple and inexpensive. His work is known as the 'Warburg Effect' or the 'Warburg Hypothesis' and has been carefully concealed by vested interests: the food and health nexus. Will write about it in another post. The only reason for mentioning it here is that this is the very nexus that has also stolen our right to die with dignity.

In my quest to retain my beloved husband's dignity, I have, in the past two years and as the true cartesian I am, delved deeply into studying cancer in all possible ways, giving every approach a fair chance. My litmus test was that whatever was proposed stood the test of common sense and reason. This research has been duly recorded in this very blog in over 300 posts! The sum of my analysis could be resumed in the wise maxim of the first healer - Hippocrates - who said: Let food be thy medicine! And this was the case till less than a century ago when the lure of money and the greed of vested interests took over our health: while one poisoned us the other healed us just enough to be poisoned again by the first: a true infernal spiral. Each perfected their art or science. While engineered food threw your natural defences in disarray, chemical compounds and radical surgery addressed the symptoms but never the cause. And as your natural immunity was destroyed you were at the mercy of the medical fraternity whose claim to success was a few months or days given to your loved ones at exorbitant costs and that came in the form of a body lying in what is known as an ICU where bleeping and humming machines kept your vitals going. A third player joined the game along the way - insurance - and you had a recipe for what I call disaster.

Where were the last words that you heard from a loved one? And what about the comfort of holding the hand of a loved one as you moved on to your next journey? All usurped by the greedy nexuses. You were to die alone in a space where even day and night had been taken away. And the meter kept running till your family was divested of everything they possessed. And to make sure that they did do what was required, a perfect drama is enacted mercilessly tugging at your heart strings and making you feel like a rat should you not conjure the required bag of gold. Mercifully the advent of the net and access to information has made some of us wiser. I think it is time to write what I call a pre-will, one that deals with the way you want to take your last bow. And just like any other will that deals with your belongings, this one too needs to be made stating that it is made in a sound state of mind and it is without any force, compulsion, or instigation from anyone else. Before it gains any legal status, and I hope it will some day, it needs to be shared with your loved ones.

Death is the only reality we can be sure of and is the end of one journey and maybe the beginning of another, so should be a celebration particularly if it happens at a ripe age. I guess I have reached that ripe age and have earned the right to chose my way of dying. I am not like Barbara who in her song wants to die with her beauty intact. Come to think of it I still find myself beautiful and provided I do not fall in the trap of modern medicine should remain so till the end. I feel I have lived a rich life and achieved more than I could have hoped for. I feel truly blessed. Project Why is my swan song or so I believe.

My forays into modern medicine have cured me of any misplaced desire of taking that course of action and mercifully I have a wonderful Tibetan Doctor who has been healing me for the past 10 years. I love that form of non invasive medicine where proffer your wrist and she checks your pulse and writes a prescription of pills you dutifully swallow. I do not even ask her what is wrong with me. I am also lucky to have a wonderful doctor, the kind they made decades ago who look at you as human beings and not objects and listen to what you have to say and do what you would accept to. I also have friends who are healers and help me eat right. I exercise and take care of my body as I know that it is a miraculous machine that does wonders.

I would like to go in my sleep but that is only a gift given to a few blessed souls, so I know that the day may come when I have some ailment or the other that requires attention and this is when choice should have its role to play.

I chose not to go to a hospital, at least not a super speciality one. I chose not to be hooked on any machine and have my loved ones come and stand helpless and lost. I chose not to waste money on a few extra moments on this planet and leave it to the my family to spend as they please. I chose not to be given any form of cut-burn-poison. I chose not to have to wear a backless ridiculous gown that robs me of my dignity. I do not want a tag attached on my hand that is only removed after bills are paid!

There are myriads of alternative ways and yes even a coffee enema is more acceptable than a blitz of radiation. I am willing to eat fruits and vegetables till they start growing out of my ears. I am willing to jump on the trampoline or go for endless walks. I will drink all the potions and brews no matter how bad they taste.

But I will do all that in my home, surrounded by the people I love. I want to be able to see all the things that have been silent witnesses to my wonderful life. I want to hear the songs of yore years, each having a memory tagged to it be it the first kiss or even the first heart break. I want to hug my family and friends and say the words I did not have time to say to them. I want to look out of the window and see the endless sky.