Let us celebrate each day

The next red letter day in my big battle is June 2014 when Ranjan's next scan is scheduled. Then, if we are to go by existing protocols, and if God willing all goes well, I presume the men in white will decree another date, possibly six months hence and the drama will go on till July 2018 when according to existing protocols again you can be finally declared cancer free! Wow. July 2018 seems so far away. Ranjan will be 69 years old and I 66! Is this when we are meant to have the big celebration then?

This is far to long and I do not think I can live with a Damocles sword hanging precariously on my head and an elephant in my room. I am not string enough for that and do not see why we need to waste so much precious time to abide by senseless protocols. I have decided to celebrate every day from now on as a precious gift and damn the rest. I know it would be foolish to not keep in mind what has happened. But let us simply take is as warning signal telling us to slow down, to alter our lifestyle and make changes that are sensible. That we shall do though I guess that Ranjan has now earned the right to a few raclette evenings and sundowners, not to forget his Romeo and Juliet no 2!

I must admit that I am a little scared of letting go completely as I have had my most loved ones taken from me by the monster in various garbs, and I would prefer erring to the side of caution. Let us not forget the control freak side of me:) I guess I will have to work on that one however tough it is. I guess a few more prayers will do the trick.

Tomorrow Ranjan goes to Calcutta again for one night and then on the 22nd for one whole week. I am happy he is doing so, though I shudder to imagine what he will be eating and drinking. But I also know that the trip will build his confidence and make him realise he is back to normal.

I would like to believe that a great part in his recovery is due to all the brews and potions I conjured and the rather stringent diet he followed. That is why I feel a little concerned as travelling for an extended period means that many of his add ons cannot travel along and that his diet will go for a six. I cannot send him with leaves to be boiled or crushed and given at specific times.

I feel a bit like a mother who is unwilling to realise that her child has grown and is ready to fly and that my role now is to sit in the wings and only intervene if the need arises. Looks like the new normal is more difficult for me than I thought. Ranjan, one the other hand, is like a fish in water, as if the last two years had not happened. God bless him and let us celebrate every day.