Give sorrow words

When I set up to 'define' my Ranjan's 'new normal' post chemo, I never dreamt that I would need to factor in grief of the loss of both his parents in one week. Today I find myself lost and alone in my battle with Ranjan's cancer. One must admit he made a remarkable recovery and to many he looks as fit as he was before the crab struck. Even I sometimes tend to 'forget' how ill he was and above all that he is nowhere near cured. Let us not forget that modern medicine needs 5 years to declare you cancer free and even then the risk of having a secondary one looms large. Come to think of it the Damocles sword hangs on your head till your last breath.

The picture you see was taken a little over six months ago. Ranjan almost looks like the alien option you have on photo booth! But this is no morphed picture. It was taken at the dining table last summer when Agastya my grand child was with us. This is where we have come from. And there is no way in the world I want to go there again.

Till now my main concern was to take care of Ranjan's diet, nutrition and give him all the alternative supplements needed. My only challenge was to coax him towards meditation, yoga and exercise. But today an insidious and surreptitious adversary stands in my way, one that is more dangerous than any as it is somewhat invisible and in my opinion, a cause for cancer cells to begin their toxic march.

For the first time the control freak is rattled. How do I help Ranjan through is grieving? Grief gnaws at your very being and does so furtively and grief and the processing of it is personal. I have my ways of dealing with pain and loss and that is to write.

But much I would like Ranjan to adopt this way, I do not think it will be possible. Maybe coax him into talking so that he can get out all the negative and destructive feelings in him. I could also urge him to make it point to highlight 3 positive things that have happened each day. Let us not forget Shakespeare's words in Macbeth: “Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.”