Games people play

On July 4th my life changed in the space of a second. A simple word on a investigation report was all that was needed to catapult me into a world yet unknown but feared. For an instant I was thrown off a cliff without a parachute or a bungee jumping cord. I had to create my own before I hit the ground or in my case reach home with the terrible news. Just like in a free fall I had seconds to decide how I would break the news to the family.

On that day the whole family was there: Ranjan, my girls, my son-in-law and my grandchild. My mind travelled at the speed of light if not faster. A multitude of images and thoughts zigzagged madly and needed to be processed and put in order and above all I knew unequivocally that I was the one chosen to set the rules of the game we had suddenly been destined to play. It accrued to me to make the right decision and I was scared as it concerned the life of my loved one. As I entered the house and found my way to the dining room where the family was seated around the table. By then I knew that the only way was honesty and straightforwardness! So I told them the reality without 'maybes' and 'perhapses': Ranjan had cancer! Now let us get on with it. The stage was set and the game was on! Parachutes and jumping cords would be fashioned along the way.

It has been a cliffhanger in more ways then one. A roller coaster ride! At every bend something new awaits you and you need to face it come what may. There are no rules,  no explanations, no guide books and above all no going back. You just learn at every step of the journey and work out your coping strategies. It has been a real learning experience. The one constant has been to adjust to life in fifteen days cycles with bad days and good days. One has learnt to bear the bad days and enjoy the good ones in the best way possible.

Today we have completed 9 cycles and have 3 more to go. Habit is second nature it is said, and I must admit that we have become  inured to these cycles or should I say lulled into a false sense of security. Even I who resisted like mad and kicked and screamed in the early days, have laid down arms in spite of myself. There battlefield was not even, I conceded temporary defeat.

Now it is just a matter of let us get on with it and numbers dance in my head: 3 more chemos, 12 bad days, 15 good days, 1 PET scan and then game over!