Night and morning after

4 am or so.  Ranjan is still sleeping. The Gods were kind: he had a good night no fever this time. I pray he wakes up with a smile or at least a quirky repartee to my silly morning greet. It would mean the world to me.

I for one had a sleepless night. A disturbed one to say the last. When it was kosher time to creep out of bed I did and took out all the old chemo discharge files. To my absolute error and if I am to go by what is written my poor man had been given the Dexona each and every time in spite of the: no Dexona to be given. It is only in yesterday's file that I saw it had not been given.

I kicked myself but then I remembered a SMS I had sent to the Doctor on August 9th telling him that I felt that he had been given Dexona and he answered with a Oh no! that never was answered.

Here is the proof. I feel terrible having trusted the doc and his team blindly and subjected ranjan to unnecessary side effects. Great for one whose holy Grail has been to ensure no or minimal side effects. Deserve a kick in my ****.

When I took on my first job at the Belgian Embassy as Social Secretary to the Ambassador - a prised  job in the 70s - I once made a mistake and waited to be admonished. It never happened. My immediate boss took the wrath of our mercurial Excellency. When I asked him later why he had not scolded me he simply said: I lead the team: share the success and am responsible for the failures! It is a lesson I never forgot and tried to apply and teach to others. As my good old Doc P said when I shared my ire yesterday: It is the fault of the captain of the ship.

What this horrid incident has done is made me loose faith in the whole treatment. Time for a second opinion!