I found an island in your arms Country in your eyes..

As I have written time and again, there have been a series on serendipities in my life in the past months as I wage the most crucial battle of my life. This morning as I stomped on my treadmill, and I use the verb stomp as that is exactly what I do, with music blaring in my ears, a phrase from the Doors famous song Break on Through caught my attention: I found an island in your arms; Country in your eyes. It somehow summed up my relationship with Ranjan and also prompted me to take some time and expand on the words in the light of my life. Before I started to write this post, I browsed my Facebook page and wonders of wonders serendipity was at work again. This time in the form of two links. The first one was a link to a video clip that urges you to love life to its fullest even when faced with the fact that everything you love will eventually come to an end. I urge you you to watch it. It could be life changing or at least make you draw your list your priorities in the right manner. In that clip the narrator quotes Dylan Thomas's Do Not Go Gently Into That Good Night, a poem I had forgotten but one that rings so true today.

I would be lying if I said that the thought of death did not enter my mind when my eyes fell on the ?lymphoma at the end of a lengthy piece of medical jargon. And I do not mean death of a loved one, but death of each one of us. In hindsight I think that somehow that was the moment I realised I too had entered old age and all we had was borrowed time. But I too want to Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And how do you try to give a tinge of permanence to the transient? Maybe by letting it leave the confines of your mind and share it in words. And if you look at things this way than the rage for writing I have experienced from the moment I knew of R's ailment is not the catharsis I thought it was, but the burning desire to give immortality to what I had till then hidden deep in mu soul.

The last stroke of serendipity this morning was another link, this one about a nurse revealing the 5 top regrets people make on their death bed. Two of them really struck me: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me and I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. Maybe it is a boon to have read this today as it gives me time to redress the situation, even if time is short.

All this is a lot of process at one time. But let us just say the ball has been set rolling. If we take it from the top, by this I mean the way the serendipities occurred this morning it would translate like this. Jim Morrison's words made me understand what Ranjan means to me: the one who gave me security and opened the whole world for me. I just did not see this till now. Time I did. Jason Silva's clip brought to light the fact that it is in our hands to make the transient permanent in our own ways and not accept to go gently and lastly even if there is little time left, there is still enough to make that bucket list that remained in our head and have the courage of being who one is and expressing all repressed feelings.

It is a tall order I know. But somehow it began surreptitiously when I decided to start this blog on the very day Cancer entered my life again. Serendipity again?