The oxygen you need

I finally garnered the courage to write to my astrologer friend who has always been accurate about my future. I had delayed writing to him before as  I was apprehensive about what he would say, as he never sugar coats his predictions. But as we usher a New Year I needed to know what awaited us even if it was not what I hoped to hear. This is what he wrote:  Looked at Ranjan's chart. He has crossed the danger zone but unfortunately there will be after effects until June '14 since Shani antar is still on. A negative feeling of being useless will also have to be handled until then. You seem to be cleaning up things and from April 2014 you have a more constructive time with new people and stimulation giving you the oxygen you need. So on the whole it looks like both of you are moving forward after that terrible patch. I do wish you all the best and the strength to reconstruct.

I read and reread these lines. At times they looked frightening but at others they do seem positive. June 2014 is not so far away a mere 180 days or so and if we tread carefully than I am sure we can avoid the pitfalls or at least minimise them. I am not so naive as to believe that with chemos over everything will be back to what it was in 2012. His blood counts and the way they are behaving is ample proof that his bone marrow had taken a big blow. But as Doc P said this morning, the body is a miraculous machine and once it realises that there are no more underhand attacks it will spring back to its good old self, however let us not forget the Ranjan's miraculous machine is in its seventh decade so the going may be slow. We need to be patient, a virtue I sort of lack.

Now let us come to the feeling of being useless. Well it is just a matter of knowing and preempting it. I will have to delve deep into my bag of tricks and conjure new things that will make Ranjan feel useful. Why not revive a crazy dream of mine of learning to play the drums and then form a duo as Ranjan plays every instrument. I know I am fantasising but what the heck am I not the one who always tells my kids to dream huge as only if you dream big are you dreams fulfilled. And I discovered that you can buy a set of old drums on line for not much. I can just imagine the din in the house but with it the giggling sessions that I am sure will wipe the negative feelings at least for some time. But jokes aside, let me think of new activities for Ranjan.

Now let us come to the predictions about yours truly. My friend has hit the nail on the head. The last months have been filled with love and compassion but I must admit that I have been deprived of the oxygen one needs to thrive. True writing had helped me remain sane but I look forward to the day when I will accept that we have reached the point when I can resume life as it was. Maybe the drums will also help oxygenate me.

So the next six months look challenging. Let us get on with life!