Chemo seven

This is an awful and disturbing picture but I wanted to share it because this is what Ranjan looks like after chemo. His temperature rises, he has chills, he is disconnected and lost. This is what chemo does and that is why I will always be weary of it. It all begins well but as the poison slowly drips int his veins his entire persona changes. You can feel the body screaming in silence but not being heard. The mind too functions the same way. As soon as Ranjan entered the chemo day care and before he even reached his bed, let alone had anything done, not even his BP checked he began telling me that he had a funny taste in his mouth, that he was feeling nauseous etc. It was psycho somatic but real. A innate and intuitive revulsion to what was to come. Anyway we had no choice and carried on with the procedure.

This is chemo 7. Once upon not so long ago the oncologist had said that we may stop at 8, though at our last meeting he retracted his words and insisted we needed 12! I did not meet him today but when he came to see Ranjan, he told him that the scan showed 95% results! This is again part of the seduction game and not reality. At best chemo can destroy 80% of the cancer cells the rest have to be destroyed by the patient's own immune system. Now the problem is that chemo also destroys the immune system so the quicker chemo ends, the quicker we can begin boosting the immune system. This was confirmed by both the family doc and my Tibetan doctor, people I trust implicitly

Yes I know I have stated in this blog the fact that I will go with the recommendations of the medical fraternity (sic) though I doubt their motives but seeing Ranjan's immune system fading is not easy. I just want it all to be over and then I will go all guns blazing to save his injured immune system and strengthen it to the maximum.

It breaks my heart to see him like this. I do not know how long I will hold. So help me God!