The only time we could ever genuinely feel guilty

The only time we could ever genuinely feel guilty is if we take a decision against the doctors advice and it doesn't work out. These are the words a very dear and loved friend wrote in answer to my previous post. I agree this post must have seemed to many as one written by a doubting Thomas, by one who refuses to believe anything until she is given proof! I guess it is part of my persona: a heady mix between a rebel, a control freak and a born Cartesian who also wants to see with heart heart. Quite a freak! Anyway cannot change in my old age.

I slept over these words and realised that my friend was right, even though I am still at war with the medical fraternity of our times. But as he says, should anything go wrong, my guilt would be unbearable. So this to tell you all that I have made my peace with the 12 chemos that the oncologist recommends. Actually it is a truce more than peace! I still iterate that it was the same doctor who had stated that it we could stop at 8. I have said my bit. The last chemo is on 29 December 2013. 2014 will be my year.

However the elation that I thought I would feel when the results of the PET scan due on the 15th is now vastly tempered after what I was told by Doc D. As she rightly said all investigations done during chemo have to be an improvement on the one done before chemo began. Makes sense. The darned poison has to kill something. I have put my jubilation on hold till June 2014 where the truth will be revealed.

Voila. Thought I needed to share the fact that I have conceded one battle but will win the war.

So help me God!