Even Descartes would give up

I give up! I guess in the given circumstances even my friend Rene (Descartes) would. The new medical bizmess has evolved a kind of logic that would zap Aristotle! It is like trying to figure out Lobachevsky's geometry with Euclidian precepts. Let me elucidate why. I went to see the Doctor today to try and work out the final number of chemos needed as I was a little puzzled by the inconsistency of having 6 more chemos when according to him the cancer was 90% gone. This game number has been nothing short of mind boggling. The 8 becoming 12 even though we knew from the beginning that Ranjan had B symptoms did not convince me. I guess maybe the figure of 8 was part of the sales pitch and sugar coating. If this were the case I would have expected being told 60% cure! So what was this 90%. If think the sales pitch went a bit awry.

Today I was given another spiel that made me put my hands up in surrender. I was told that though the oncologist felt it was 90%, the radiologist's opinion was that it was less, though I was not given a figure. The bottom line is that the hospital's protocol must be 12.

I capitulate but my reason is based on emotions. Should I insist we stop at 8 and God forbid something goes wrong than I would never be able to live with the guilt.

The reason I was hoping against hope that we could stop at 8 or 10, was that Ranjan is now finding it difficult and his spirit is dampening day by day. He does not say so as being a man he would never admit weakness. He has always maintained that he will fight it and get the better of it. But he is also humane and who would not be scared in his situation. I wish he externalised his feelings like I do by writing them down: bang on the piano, stomp the treadmill, or maybe find a new creative pursuit. But I do not see that happening.

It is again I who would have to take the lead and add to my arsenal. Maybe I should behave like a joker and make him laugh, find new comedy shows on You Tube, play indoor games with him. Stand on my head if I have to. Get friends he likes over, find new recipes, just anything to make the next two months fly by!

I am a bit like the guy in the picture: I have logic but they have a clone of Roscoe!