Monday 29 July 2013

Divine justice

We often or should I say always remember God at times of need, what ever shape it may take - the hungry will pray for a just meal whilst the businessmen for a new contract- or at times when we feel - erroneously or selfishly - that justice has been denied to us. In those times we tend to forget our failings if any. We pray and petition that powerful entity to grant us justice in the manner we wish to see it granted, often blinded by our own hubris. We think we know all, and know best and are often blinded by the moment and its magnitude not able to see the big picture, a phrase my father use to pronounce whenever I was hurting, no matter what age I was.

Divine justice is fair, equitable and sometimes difficult to fathom. What makes it different is that unlike us, God also remembers all the other petitions and prayers we forget along the way and hands out His judgement at the times he thinks best. In his final pronouncement he also deals a blow to all our hubristic moments and puts us back in place. All your never say never are taken care of.

The first time I really felt the power of divine justice was when he took my father away. When mama died I had promised her to look after my dad till his last breath. When a few months later my husband was posted to Paris, a dream posting for us as both my daughters had studied in the French system, the promise I made to my mother came into the way of my going. At that time my father was in excellent health and no one could have ever imagined he would die within 29 days. I had been freed of my promise and he could be united with the woman he loved.  God had intervened.

The past years have been clouded by a series of emotional upheavals of the worst kind drawing battle lines impossible to cross. In the middle of it all one person who took all the blows. On both side contradictory petitions to God and prayers and supplications. No human judge however wise could have found a way out. It was an imbroglio needing divine intervention. I suppose it was a tough one for God too! But the verdict has fallen taking care of all the past prayers and supplications, taking into account all our wrong doings and failings not to forget the never say never.

I had always prayed to have the full attention of my beloved who for too long was torn between two sides and bore too many blows that finally affected his entire being. For month and months we knocked at every door possible to find out what ailed him. My worse nightmare happened when the diagnosis was the one word I hated most: cancer! Bye bye hubris. Cancer it was. And this time the whole enchilada. I was terrified of chemotherapy. Well this time I had to live with it and conquer my fears. I wanted my husband 24/7. Well wish granted as my life is put on hold and for the next six months Ranjan and I are destined to live in a bubble! Just the two of us.

What the future holds, I do not know. Only he knows the whole picture.


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