We all remember the beautiful narrative of Gabriel Garcia Marquez (love in the time of cholera) when the protagonists found true love in their twilight years. We may also remember Albert Camus The Plague that shows the effects the terrible disease has on a whole city. For me it has been Cancer that has entered my world three times now. And no matter what anyone says, the beast in its various forms changes your life forever.
In Chapter one of its hold on me, it was my mother who was targeted. Her absolute and unequivocal defiance resulted in a strange drama played over 11 months. The protagonists were mama, papa, me and of course Cancer that actually set the tone. When you are dealing with someone with a terminal disease who refuses any form of known treatment believe me things are not easy. Conventional medicine with its set protocols do provide you with set milestones that you follow blindly. These protocols fill your spatio-temporal reality and provide mechanical props to make you feel your are doing something. Whether the something works or not is not in your hands but you feel you are giving the best available. Papa asked mama if she wanted to go to Sloane Kettering. Her answer was a candid no! So how would we fill the hours, days and months when we saw her fading away, wincing in pain, and slowing dying. She had her answers ready: hairdressers, beauticians, plays, outings, shopping etc. And she had her way. You did not argue with Kamala Goburdhun nee Sinha! What was being put to test was a husband's and daughter's love. I guess I feared poorly in comparison to papa. Watching him for those 11 months showed me what true love really was. He put his life on hold to attend each and every whim she threw his way. If he was ready to go out for an important errand and she wanted him with her, he simply took off his hat (papa was of the generation that did not leave the house without a head gear) and sat with her. The most poignant demand she had was towards the end. Has she did not want to die in a drugged sleep and thus had refused any form of medication, there came a time when she decided not to sleep. A deal was made: she would sleep in spurts of 45 minutes provided papa sat next to her on a stool and held her hand and woke her every 45 minutes. He did. Night after night till her very last night. When I asked him to rest and that she would not get up, his brusque answer was I gave your mother my word! It broke my heart to see my 80 year old father who was portly to say the least sit on that tiny stool and stroke his loved ones hand fulfilling the promise he had made. he past the test magna cum laude. I came a poor second as I was torn between my love for my mother and for my father. She had beaten all the protocols and won her battle her way and papa had fulfilled another inane promise she extracted from him of their first day of marriage: that she would die before him.
I know when the first cell in my beloved father's body went awry. It was when Kamala breathed her last, and I thought papa would break down and weep. He did not and took me in his arms and said softly I am here for you! But those words came with an unsaid caveat: as long as you need me! His pain had taken another road. That is when his cells began their morbid march. He was there for me all the time I needed him. But then came the day when Ranjan was posted to Paris. I should have been a moment of elation but two promises were came in the way of a father and a daughter. I had promised mama to never leave papa and he had promised me to be there till I needed him. But who would define the term "needed"? The march of the cells became deathly and though protocols were followed, the end had to come as otherwise the pledges would be broken. It took 29 days. He too had beaten protocols in his wise way.
In both cases Love was the main protagonist though none of us realised it. Cancer was just a a side role.
So the question I ask myself today as Cancer has taken hold of another one I love, what is the real motive this time. The dying as a bride does not apply, no real pledges have been made and need to be fulfilled. I still believe that Love again is the main lead. So whose love is being put to test? Or is it that our love that had been hijacked by others for so many years has finally come centre stage? Is the only way to catch up for lost times as Cancer has catapulted us in a tiny orbit where all else has to be but on hold. And will the big C leave my loved one so that we can enjoy peaceful and quiet twilight years?
In Chapter one of its hold on me, it was my mother who was targeted. Her absolute and unequivocal defiance resulted in a strange drama played over 11 months. The protagonists were mama, papa, me and of course Cancer that actually set the tone. When you are dealing with someone with a terminal disease who refuses any form of known treatment believe me things are not easy. Conventional medicine with its set protocols do provide you with set milestones that you follow blindly. These protocols fill your spatio-temporal reality and provide mechanical props to make you feel your are doing something. Whether the something works or not is not in your hands but you feel you are giving the best available. Papa asked mama if she wanted to go to Sloane Kettering. Her answer was a candid no! So how would we fill the hours, days and months when we saw her fading away, wincing in pain, and slowing dying. She had her answers ready: hairdressers, beauticians, plays, outings, shopping etc. And she had her way. You did not argue with Kamala Goburdhun nee Sinha! What was being put to test was a husband's and daughter's love. I guess I feared poorly in comparison to papa. Watching him for those 11 months showed me what true love really was. He put his life on hold to attend each and every whim she threw his way. If he was ready to go out for an important errand and she wanted him with her, he simply took off his hat (papa was of the generation that did not leave the house without a head gear) and sat with her. The most poignant demand she had was towards the end. Has she did not want to die in a drugged sleep and thus had refused any form of medication, there came a time when she decided not to sleep. A deal was made: she would sleep in spurts of 45 minutes provided papa sat next to her on a stool and held her hand and woke her every 45 minutes. He did. Night after night till her very last night. When I asked him to rest and that she would not get up, his brusque answer was I gave your mother my word! It broke my heart to see my 80 year old father who was portly to say the least sit on that tiny stool and stroke his loved ones hand fulfilling the promise he had made. he past the test magna cum laude. I came a poor second as I was torn between my love for my mother and for my father. She had beaten all the protocols and won her battle her way and papa had fulfilled another inane promise she extracted from him of their first day of marriage: that she would die before him.
I know when the first cell in my beloved father's body went awry. It was when Kamala breathed her last, and I thought papa would break down and weep. He did not and took me in his arms and said softly I am here for you! But those words came with an unsaid caveat: as long as you need me! His pain had taken another road. That is when his cells began their morbid march. He was there for me all the time I needed him. But then came the day when Ranjan was posted to Paris. I should have been a moment of elation but two promises were came in the way of a father and a daughter. I had promised mama to never leave papa and he had promised me to be there till I needed him. But who would define the term "needed"? The march of the cells became deathly and though protocols were followed, the end had to come as otherwise the pledges would be broken. It took 29 days. He too had beaten protocols in his wise way.
In both cases Love was the main protagonist though none of us realised it. Cancer was just a a side role.
So the question I ask myself today as Cancer has taken hold of another one I love, what is the real motive this time. The dying as a bride does not apply, no real pledges have been made and need to be fulfilled. I still believe that Love again is the main lead. So whose love is being put to test? Or is it that our love that had been hijacked by others for so many years has finally come centre stage? Is the only way to catch up for lost times as Cancer has catapulted us in a tiny orbit where all else has to be but on hold. And will the big C leave my loved one so that we can enjoy peaceful and quiet twilight years?
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