rain sweat and tears

I was waiting for the rains
The dark clouds to gather
The skies to open
I waited and waited
Holding on to the tears I needed to shed
I wanted to take a long walk
Stomping in the rain
My face turned up to the sky
So that the tears would mingle with the raindrops
And no one would know I cried
But the clouds blew away
And the tears remained unshed
Choking my very soul
Crushing my spirit
Whilst the smile, the brave one, remained
Stuck to my face
Let us not forget
It is showtime

But how long would the tears
Remain unshed
I knew they would swell
Into a torrent
And come gushing out
Ruining the carefully scripted play
And revealing to one and all
The agony I am so painfully trying to hide

I could not wait for the rain Gods
I needed to find another outlet
To mask the tears I so needed to shed

Blissfully I found the way
The daily walk on the treadmill
And the humidity soaked air
Would provide the domino
I so desperately sought
All it would need was a little extra push
Of the ageing body that
Would bring the sweat that would hide the tears

So every morning
For the time it takes to complete four kilometers
The tears spill unabashed and freely
Mingle with the sweat that conceals them so well
Providing the relief needed to carry on
Putting up a stellar show for the world to see

There are tears of regret for things of the past
Tears for the fears of things not yet come
Tears for the prayers not answered
Tears for the dreaded reality that brings you full circle
And makes you stand at a place you stood before
Holding the morrows of loved ones in your shaking hands
Knowing your words will seal the fate of all to come

And as the tears spill out ceaselessly
You find yourself in a spinning time machine
That takes you on a ride you never wished
And all the times gone by
All wounds you had thought cured
All hurts you had hoped healed
All you failures and blunders
Come back to haunt you seeking answers
You know you do not have.

The flood gates are opened
There is no going back