For the past 13 years and 3 months my life was dictated by the incessant needs of project why which came to be on May 7th 1998. From a small idea and a personal mission 'repay back a debt' it has grown over the years to become a vibrant organisation that reaches out to over 1000 beneficiaries. This did not happen over night and the years long learning curve had many ups and downs. It put me to the test many a times, challenging me as nothing else had ever done and making me discover aspects of myself I did not even know existed. And more than anything else it filled the huge well of loneliness that engulfed me. The only orphaned child had found more than a family.
For the last 13 years I have worn so many caps that I have lost count. I think some God decided to put to test all the abilities I had shunned or found infra dig! From one who barely balanced a house budget I was made to take charge of financing an organisation that today is worth almost 10 million a year and employs almost 5o persons! I discovered shocking realities that slowly turned me into an activist. I fulfilled the long forgotten dream that probably took seed in a cafe in Paris: that of writing! I published a book and now have blogs many read and like. I had unpleasant altercations with politicos and learnt to wear them down. The list is endless. let me just say I became someone who did not have to turn away when she saw her face in the mirror every morning.
Project why became my way of life. It was normal for me to give it all the time it needed and slink in the rest of my life in the tiny time slots that I could find. Till a few months back like ran on an even keel. I had found my comfort zone and hoped it would last till my final curtain call. I often found myself calling pwhy my magnum opus and my swansong!
Even when Ranjan showed his first sign of illness, I was convinced that it would be a passing ailment that would be dealt with as everything else was dealt it. It was only a matter of time. How wrong I was. This would not be my swansong.
Ranjan was diagnosed with cancer and I soon realised that what had been my 'normal' life till just a few days ago would not do anymore. I had to define a new normal. Everything would now have to worked out around R's treatment. Cancer is not the kind of ailment that gets better as soon as you pop the first pill or take the first shot. Once you let chemo into your life you have to accept that it will take all the space around you and in you and leave very little time for other pursuits. One part of your life will have to be put on hold. I am on forced leave!
From what I have read, heard and understood, the first chemo is a dream and it gets worse as the immune system is suppressed by toxic drugs every 15 days. In between those days you have to live one day at a time as you do not know what will transpire. You just have those 15 days to work your magic and boost the immune system, the sagging spirit and all else without losing your smile or venting your anger at least in front of others. You also need to continue looking for ways to alleviate the side effects and select the options you feel are right. I never thought that at age 60+ I would have to learn to be Florence Nightingale.
So this is my new normal. Ms Nightingale who also has to keep the home in order and run pwhy by remote control.
Not an easy task!
For the last 13 years I have worn so many caps that I have lost count. I think some God decided to put to test all the abilities I had shunned or found infra dig! From one who barely balanced a house budget I was made to take charge of financing an organisation that today is worth almost 10 million a year and employs almost 5o persons! I discovered shocking realities that slowly turned me into an activist. I fulfilled the long forgotten dream that probably took seed in a cafe in Paris: that of writing! I published a book and now have blogs many read and like. I had unpleasant altercations with politicos and learnt to wear them down. The list is endless. let me just say I became someone who did not have to turn away when she saw her face in the mirror every morning.
Project why became my way of life. It was normal for me to give it all the time it needed and slink in the rest of my life in the tiny time slots that I could find. Till a few months back like ran on an even keel. I had found my comfort zone and hoped it would last till my final curtain call. I often found myself calling pwhy my magnum opus and my swansong!
Even when Ranjan showed his first sign of illness, I was convinced that it would be a passing ailment that would be dealt with as everything else was dealt it. It was only a matter of time. How wrong I was. This would not be my swansong.
Ranjan was diagnosed with cancer and I soon realised that what had been my 'normal' life till just a few days ago would not do anymore. I had to define a new normal. Everything would now have to worked out around R's treatment. Cancer is not the kind of ailment that gets better as soon as you pop the first pill or take the first shot. Once you let chemo into your life you have to accept that it will take all the space around you and in you and leave very little time for other pursuits. One part of your life will have to be put on hold. I am on forced leave!
From what I have read, heard and understood, the first chemo is a dream and it gets worse as the immune system is suppressed by toxic drugs every 15 days. In between those days you have to live one day at a time as you do not know what will transpire. You just have those 15 days to work your magic and boost the immune system, the sagging spirit and all else without losing your smile or venting your anger at least in front of others. You also need to continue looking for ways to alleviate the side effects and select the options you feel are right. I never thought that at age 60+ I would have to learn to be Florence Nightingale.
So this is my new normal. Ms Nightingale who also has to keep the home in order and run pwhy by remote control.
Not an easy task!
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