Side Effects and Survival Kit

When Mr Hodgkin comes knocking at your door and then decided to squat uninvited in your home, he does not only change the life of the one he inhabits, but also the lives of all those around. Most of all the life of the spouse who becomes the cancer buddy. And believe it or not the 'side effects' of the buddy are as numerous if not more than the one who is affected. In this case the 'buddy' is me. For those who may be going - God Forbid - through similar conditions and for all others too, I thought it would be fun and useful to list my 'side effects' and the survival kit I have put together. This kit has to be flexible and responsive to all challenges that can come any time. The 'side effects' I have had till date are insomnia, readjusting my work life; giving up a well ordained existence to a one day at a time, or even one minute at a time mode; worrying every time I open an envelope containing the latest blood counts; making trips and sojourns  to the kind of hospital I never wanted to have to enter; browsing the Internet every time a new challenge appears - this time it is oral ulcers - and above all spending more time than I ever did with my husband. There may be more 'side effects' but let us just look at the survival kit to counter these.
 
I must start by admitting that I have not found the item in my survival kit for the biggest 'side effect': insomnia. I do not want to take sleeping pills. I want to figure out my body clock is behaving this way. It do not feel unduly tired though I get an average of 5 hours of sleep max! Mostly it is sound sleep and I get up refreshed so maybe it is my brain that realises that I have less time than before to pursue my preferred activities and gives that extra hour or more in the early hours of the day to write, but there are night, thankfully a few, where I cannot sleep at all and lie awake. These are the ones I need to dissect and figure out. Maybe there are some questions that still need to be asked and are not easy to formulate. Must work on that.

If I were to select the one most important personal survival tool in my kit it would be undoubtedly writing about each and everything, the good, the bad, the ugly, as honestly as possible, as loud as possible and to the world at large.This has been why I began this blog the day R's illness had a name. It is a my catharsis and emotional release. Without this platform I would have already had a meltdown.

The second, or actually it could share the place with the first, 'tool' for want of a better word is the support I have got for so many people, known and unknown, from across each and every continent. To know that people spend a moment of their precious time reading what I write and reaching out to me is priceless. You cannot begin to imagine how humbled and grateful I feel. I know that I can send out a mail and seek help. I have done so to get medicine not available in India! I have two wonderful friends I wake up every morning at some unearthly hour and if I fail to do so, I get a mail or SMS asking me if all is well. That is not all, I know that they are an SMS away should any need arise 24/7. God bless then all.

The next is more tricky. For a control freak (my daughter's words) or organised person (my words) it is very difficult to readjust your life, particularly when you were devoting all your time to your work and living and breathing project why every minute of the day. Well here the survival kit is in the shape of four wonderful people who have taken my worries and run the ship spot on! For me, I have learnt to change priorities and accept to live life a minute at a time. It can be bothersome but exciting at well. I am discovering a new me!

The trips to the hospital have been made easy by a wonderful doctor who heals with his heart and is also an SMS away. I am also discovering the fact that these hospitals that look life five stars hotels do not run like them! Each time we have a 'surprise' package that now makes us smile rather than brood. It also is meat for this blog.

When a challenge appears the Internet is a saviour. Did you know that if you suck ice while the chemo is being done or at least for the first hour, you are less likely to develop ulcers? You have guessed right the next item in my kit on chemo days will be a flask of ice.

The last item I will share today is the importance of alone time (an expression my grandson uses a lot). I have worked out mine. I have to switch off or get off the Hodgkin's spinning wheel. First and foremost my 40 minutes on the treadmill at 6 km an hour with loud music blaring in my ears, music that takes me on a rapid and space and time defeating tour of my life. For those 40 minutes I travel in my time machine. One caveat though: my knees! Then there is a sort of retail therapy which consists in browsing at my favourite book shop or walking through the market. It is better done with an empty pocket. Then there is my weekly cuppa with the dearest people on earth and last of all locking myself in my cockpit, as that is what my office looks like and writing!

Voila. Any more ideas?