When I'm sixty four

Today Ranjan's turns sixty four. But I have been hearing this number from the time we met almost 40 years ago! Ranjan is a Beatles fan all his Doon School pals would remember the famous Logarithms, the band he and three buddies created and which was a clone of their idols John, Paul, George and Ringo! I wish I could find a photograph and upload it. Will try and do so before the end of the day. When I'm sixty four was not part of their school repertoire as it was released post 66, and Ranjan is class of 66! But when I met him in 1974 it was one of the song he often strummed on his guitar and sang with a glint in his eyes. We were young and 64 seemed so far away. The lyrics made us smile. The losing your hair part seemed almost impossible when one looked at Ranjan's mane! The song made us smile. Will you still need me, will you still feed me....

Today the lyrics have taken a poignant meaning. Not one we could have dreamt of when we laughed and sang, when we were young. Today my husband turns 64 and yes he is losing hair, in chunks. I need him more than ever and feed him as I have never done before. Ranjan's 64th year turned out to be the one when he was diagnosed with cancer. The fear of losing him is real though I hope we will make it and he will be with me when I am 64 and losing my hair! Not that I have much.

Ranjan often played this song when he sat at his piano every day. I realise I should have known something was terribly wrong when he stopped playing, a couple of months before his diagnosis. It is then that I realised how much his music meant to me and was part of our lives. The deafening silence of the past months has been unbearable. I am just waiting for the day when the house is filled with his music again.

Ranjan is 64. The big party we had envisaged and dreamt of will be a small get together of dear friends and two unwanted ones: cancer and chemo!

But we will overcome.

Happy Birthday Ranjan.